Akatsuki Survey
by Violetta-Night Butterfly
Summary: It's a boring day in the Akatsuki home. And to bring some excitement, Deidara requests that Itachi, Sasori, Kisame, Tobi, Zetsu, and Hidan take part in a 50 question survey. The Chaos...Oneshot. Please R and R!


Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, so please, leave me be.

A/N: Okay, this is a little retarded oneshot about the Akatsuki. That's about all I have to say. Enjoy!

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(It was a boring day in the Akatsuki Household. And to relieve the boredom, Deidara requests that Sasori, Itachi, Kisame, Tobi, Hidan, and Zetsu get onto their computers and do a little survey with 50 questions. Oh the hell that awaits.)

**(Deidara has logged in)**

**(Sasori has logged in)**

**(Itachi has logged in)**

**(Tobi has logged in)**

**(Kisame has logged in)**

Deidara: Hi guys, un!

Sasori: Whatever.

Itachi: ...

Tobi: HI!

Kisame: Hello?

Deidara: I hope you guys are ready for the survey, un!

Sasori: No.

Itachi: ...

Tobi: YES!

Kisame: Uh, I guess...

Deidara: Okay, here's the first questions, un!

(Deidara has logged off)

Sasori: This is going to be hell.

Itachi: ...

Kisame: Itachi-san will you please say something? Damn, the dots are driving me crazy!

Itachi: ...something.

Kisame: It's better than nothing I suppose.

Tobi: Come on Deidara-sempai! Post the questions!

**Q.1. Who's the hottest female?**

Sasori: ...Temari.

Itachi: Beni-Hime (Kurenai) (A/N: It's another way to say her name. Look it up on the wikipedia)

Tobi: Ino-chan!

Kisame: Hinata-hime.

**Q.2. Your biggest rival?**

Sasori: Itachi

Itachi: Tobi

Tobi: Kisame!

Kisame: Sasori

**Q.3. Who's the ugliest female?**

Sasori: Sakura

Itachi: That girl on Sasuke's team

Tobi: That pink haired girl on Naruto's team

Kisame: ...everyone pretty much said her.

**Q.4. 'Yahoo!' -Kiba**

Sasori: Kiba suckz.

Itachi: What an idiot.

Tobi: CHA!

Kisame: I love his spirit.

**Q.5. Who do you hate?**

Sasori: Ash from pokemon

Itachi: George Bush

Tobi: The skank next door to me.

Kisame: But Tobi, the person next to you is Deidara.

Tobi: Hehe, I know.

Kisame: ...I hate all of you.

**Q.6. Fuck you Tobi, un. Best T.V show?**

Sasori: Sex in the city.

Itachi: Desperate Housewives.

Tobi: Dragon Ball Z!

Kisame: Spongebob Squarepants. Itachi-san what the...?

**Q.7. Worst T.V show?**

Sasori: Naruto

Itachi: Days Of Our Lives

Tobi: Pokeman

Kisame: Gilmore Girls. Itachi-san what is wrong with you? You watch soap operas?!

**Q.8. Best video game?**

Sasori: Final Fantasy

Itachi: Castlevania. And yes Kisame-san. Soap operas take the depression out of my life.

Tobi: Tekken!

Kisame: Dynasty Warriors. Itachi-san...you're weird.

**Q.9. Worst video game?**

Sasori: Tekken

Itachi: Dynasty Warriors

Tobi: Castlevania!

Kisame: Final Fantasy

**Q.10. On snowy days, you are...?**

Sasori: Drinking hott cocoa

Itachi: Drinking hott cocoa with Sasori

Tobi: Bothering Deidara-sempai!

Kisame: Sleeping

**Q.11. Shut the hell up, Tobi, un. Anko is on the loose raping people...I just heard from Leader...**

Sasori: Is that supposed to be a question? Baka Deidara.

Itachi: Am I supposed to be afraid?

Tobi: Yay! She can rape me first!

Kisame: I'm gonna hide in my fish tank...

**Q.12. Who do you think is the most innocent female?**

Sasori: Shizune-chan.

Itachi: Beni-hime.

Tobi: Hinata-hime

Kisame: I agree with all of you.

**Q.13. Strongest girl?**

Sasori: Grandma Chiyo.

Itachi: Beni-hime

Tobi: Tsunade! Duh!

Kisame: Temari-san

**Q.14. Person you envy the most?**

Sasori: Itachi. He gets more spotlight.

Itachi: Asuma-dobe. He's stealing my onna.

Tobi: Naruto! He's gonna be Hokage!

Kisame: No one...

**Q.15. Gayest boy on Naruto?**

Sasori: Deidara

Itachi: Orochimaru

Tobi: Deidara-sempai!

Kisame: Orochimaru

**Q. 16. Screw you Tobi-teme and Sasori-dobe, un. Who's the straightest guy on Naruto?**

Sasori: Me.

Itachi: Me.

Tobi: Me!

Kisame: Me and only me.

**Q.17. Chocolate or honey?**

Sasori: Chocolate.

Itachi: Chocolate flavored Kurenai.

Tobi: Honey!

Kisame: Chocolate.

**Q. 18. Favorite Color?**

Sasori: Red

Itachi: Red

Tobi: Red!

Kisame: ...Blue...?

**(Zetsu has logged in)**

**(Hidan has logged in)**

Sasori: Um, Ohayoo?

Zetsu: ...

Hidan: I am only here to purify the-

Everyone: SHUT IT!!!!

Hidan: Son's of bitches!

Zetsu: Hide your shame son. Hide your shame.

Tobi: Ohayoo Zetsu-sensei! Did Deidara-sempai invite you too?

Zetsu: Hi Tobi-san. And yes, I'm afraid he did.

Hidan: Why doesn't anyone ask me any questions?

Everyone: ...

Hidan: Damn bastard asses.

Itachi: I hate Deidara.

Sasori: Don't we all?

Kisame: Not Tobi-san.

**(Deidara has logged in)**

Deidara: Hello, un! I hope you guys are enjoying the survey, un! Bye, un!

**(Deidara has logged off)**

Sasori: Damn that gay bitch.

Kisame: Such a foul mouth...

Tobi: Hey, does Leader know we are doing this?

Zetsu: I informed him.

Hidan: Venus Fly Pet.

Zetsu: Your momma.

Tobi: Awesome Zetsu-sensei! I might have to use that one...

Sasori: Deidara! Give us the damn questions!

Itachi: Impatient now?

Hidan: Bring on the holy questions!

**Q. 19. What's your trademark?**

Sasori: My eyes.

Itachi: My Mangeku eyes.

Tobi: Itachi-san, you mispelled your eye thingy-thing. Anyway, it's my face! It looks like a thumb print.

Kisame: My skin.

Zetsu: My teeth and my skin.

Hidan: Oh...so those things around your neck are teeth...oh...

Everyone: ANSWER HIDAN!

Hidan: YOU FOOLS! YOU DARE SHOUT AT ME!

Everyone: HIDAN!

Hidan: Fine. It's my sexy body!

Everyone: ...better than nothing I suppose...

**Q. 20. Who would you rape?**

Sasori: ...wtf?

Itachi: Beni-Hime.

Tobi: What kind of question is that?

Kisame: You're insane.

Zetsu: I cannot rape. If I do, then it would influence Tobi-san to do it.

Hidan: Ino Yamanka, Hinata Hyuuga, Kaze No Temari, Anko Mitarashi-

Everyone: WE GET IT!

Tobi: Damn you fucking slut!

Kisame: You should be ashamed. Most of those girls are just babies.

Zetsu: Well, Hinata-hime and Ino-chan are very attractive...

Hidan: Thank you Zetsu-san. But you're still a creepy plant.

Itachi: I'd still rape Kurenai.

Sasori: ...You have to admire Itachi and his straight-forward additude I guess...but Kurenai is hott I guess.

Itachi: Beni-hime is mine.

Sasori: I don't want her, damn! Crazy over-obsessed psychopath.

**Q. 21. Sorry it took me so long, un. I went to go get a drink. Anyway, what's pretty to you?**

Sasori: Damn gay questions...

Itachi: Beni-hime naked.

Tobi: Itachi-san, your obsession with her is getting kinda out of hand... But anyway, stars are pretty.

Kisame: The ocean.

Itachi: Kisame if you want to go for a swim, then why don't you?

Kisame: ...I don't really feel like it.

Itachi: ...

Kisame: Let's not start that again. Please.

Zetsu: Ino Yamanka's flower shop and Hinata Hyuuga's greenhouse.

Tobi: Is that where you are most of the day?

Zetsu: Yes, and sometimes in Tsunade's office sitting by her desk blending in with the plants. Shizune never notices me.

Hidan: Clever. I think the virgin Mary is beautiful!

**Q. 22. Best movie you ever seen?**

Sasori: (sarcastically) Charlie in the chocolate factory. Syke. I liked Hannibal Rising.

Itachi: Van Hellsing and Hannibal Rising.

Tobi: Dare-devil and Hannibal Rising!

Kisame: Jaws II and Hannibal Rising.

Zetsu: Hannibal Rising.

Hidan: Passion of the Christ.

**Q. 23. Worst movie ever?**

Sasori: Legally Blonde 2.

Itachi: X-Men 2

Tobi: Hannibal

Kisame: The Ring 2

Zetsu: Hannibal.

Hidan: Lil' Nikki! Such a Satanist movie!

**Q. 24. Best anime movie?**

Sasori: Howl's Moving Castle

Itachi: Vampire Hunter D

Tobi: Shadow Skill

Kisame: Castle In The Sky

Zetsu: Princess Monoke

Hidan: Spirited Away

**Q. 25. Worst anime movie?**

Sasori: Appleseed! What was the purpose of that movie?

Itachi: My neighbor Todoro. It sucks ass.

Tobi: My Neighbor Todoro was awesome, Itachi-san! But I hated that damned movie Goku! What the hell was that?

Kisame: Any Sailor Moon movies.

Zetsu: I happened to have liked Appleseed Sasori. Worst to me Blood: The Last Vampire

Hidan: All the Inuyasha movies! Too many Demons!

**Q. 26. Enjoying the survey so far?**

Sasori: No.

Itachi: It's alright. Gets me away from reading "Super Fudge'".

Tobi: It's fun!

Kisame: As long as Itachi's not reading "Super Fudge" it's good.

Zetsu: Keeps Tobi out of trouble. So yes, it's fine.

Hidan: LIES! YOU'RE ALL LIVING LIES!

Everyone: And it shuts Hidan up, making it quiet in the house.

**Q. 27. What time is it?**

Sasori: It's 12:34

Itachi: Too early for a survey.

Tobi: My clock says 12:30.

Kisame: Somewhere around noon.

Zetsu: Sasori, you and Tobi's clock is wrong. It's 12: 23.

Hidan: The perfect time to cleanse yourself with holiness!

**Q. 28. Did Zetsu cook dinner yet?**

Sasori: You're worried about dinner at lunchtime?!

Itachi: Zetsu hasn't even come out of his room.

Tobi: Zetsu-sensei can cook?

Kisame: He better not cook shark again!

Zetsu: It's Kakuzu's turn to cook again.

Hidan: By the will of Lord Jasshin, I Hidan shall cook dinner instead of Kakuzu to purify-

Everyone: SHUT UP!

**Q. 29. What happened to the paperboy this morning?**

Sasori: (groans) ask Zetsu.

Itachi: Ask Zetsu.

Tobi: Ask Zetsu-selena!

Kisame: Tobi? Was that a typo?

Tobi: Oh, yeah, I meant to say ask Zetsu-sensei.

Zetsu: Oh...so that's who he was...oh well, he tasted nice.

Hidan: SINNER!

**Q. 30. 30 QUESTIONS! HOW YA FEEL?**

Sasori: Annoyed.

Itachi: Suprised I'm not bored.

Tobi: Excited!

Kisame: Same as Sasori.

Zetsu: Hidan and I have only done 11, 12 now.

Hidan: I am happy to be living!

**Q. 31. Now it's time for "Would you rather"! Ready?**

Sasori: No.

Itachi: Whatever.

Tobi: CHA!

Kisame: Not really.

Zetsu: I guess.

Hidan: Bring it on!

**Q. 32. Would you rather kiss Sakura, or get raped by Anko?**

Sasori: Kiss Sakura. I don't want to be looked at as a male whore.

Itachi: Get raped by Kurenai.

Tobi: Itachi-san your insane. I'd get raped by Anko! She's smexy!

Kisame: Get raped by Anko.

Zetsu: Get attempted rape by Anko. I'd end up reversing it though by accident.

Hidan: Get-

Everyone: We know, we know, you'd get raped.

Zetsu: Can we move on to the next question?

Tobi: Yeah, ignore Hidan-slut!

**Q. 33. Would you rather marry Hinata Hyuuga or marry Tsunade?**

Sasori: Marry Hinata. Tsunade'd probably abuse me.

Itachi: Marry Beni-hime.

Tobi: Itachi-san! Kurenai's not an option! I'd marry Hina-hime! She's kawaii!

Kisame: Let's see...one's too young, the other's too old...I say Tsunade. That way I can't get prosecuted.

Zetsu: Marry Hinata. She's the sun that gives me life.

Hidan: Both! Lord Jasshin never said you couldn't marry twice!

**Q. 34. Would you rather Hug Orochimaru or kiss Naruto?**

Sasori: Oh good god! ...I guess kiss Naruto, but not in public.

Itachi: Kiss Naruto, make Sasgay jealous.

Tobi: Kiss Naruto...?

Kisame: Ack. Kiss Naruto.

Zetsu: ...see Sasori.

Hidan: Hug Orochimaru.

Everyone: ...wtf?

Hidan: What? At least you won't feel gay or like a molestor.

**Q. 35. Would you rather watch Teletubies or kiss one of your fellow members? Name which one!**

Sasori: Watch Teletubies.

Itachi: Watch Teletubies.

Tobi: Watch Teletubies.

Kisame: Watch Teletubies.

Zetsu: Watch Teletubies.

Hidan: TELETUBIES IS A SATANIST SHOW! Oh well, rather watch that then kiss one of you guys.

**Q. 36. Would you rather fall in love with Sasuke or go on a date with Itachi? Itachi you can't answer this time!**

Sasori: DEIDARA YOU BITCH!

Itachi: That's foul...

**(Deidara has logged in)**

Deidara: Oh well, you gotta answer, un!

**(Deidara has logged off)**

Sasori: I hate him. I'd go on a date with Itachi.

Itachi: ...

Tobi: Go on a date with Itachi-san.

Kisame: There's that annoying three dots again! Damn it, I'd go on a date with Itachi.

Zetsu: Go on a date with Itachi?

Hidan: Go on a date with Itachi. It is unholy, but I will-

Everyone: Shut up! We get it!

Hidan: Foul bastards!

**Q. 37. Would you rather date Kurenai or date Temari?**

Sasori: Temari. Itachi'll kill anyone who says Kurenai.

Itachi: ...BENI-HIME! MY WIFE!

Tobi: Temari-hime! She's fiesty! I like that!

Kisame: (knavishly) Beni-hime.

Itachi: ...YOU FOOL!

Kisame: Just kidding, calm down. Temari-hime.

Zetsu: Temari-hime, she's powerful.

Hidan: BOTH!

**Q. 38. It's time for Horror movies! Ready?!**

Sasori: Why aren't we done yet?

Itachi: We gotta go up to 50.

Tobi: I'm ready!

Kisame: Yeah, sure, whatever.

Zetsu: I suppose.

Hidan: OF COURSE I'M READY!

**Q. 39. What's the best scary movie?**

Sasori: The Ring.

Itachi: Amityville Horror.

Tobi: The Grudge. Scarred me for life man.

Kisame: The Exorcism Of Emily Rose

Zetsu: Pet Semetary.

Hidan: Resident Evil

**Q. 40. Who do you think would probably be in a situation like in the movie?**

Sasori: I can imagine Kurenai or Hinata in The Ring.

Itachi: I can see all of the Yamanka's in the Amityville Horror.

Tobi: The Grudge reminds me of Neji. He scared me when I first saw him.

Kisame: Man, The Exorcism of Emily Rose...that's some Sasuke shit right there.

Zetsu: The Inuzuka's fit Pet Semetary so well.

Hidan: I can see Anko in Resident Evil.

**Q. 41. Do you think they'd survive in the movie?**

Sasori: Yeah, they're both pretty smart.

Itachi: I suppose.

Tobi: If he was the Grudge then hell yeah!

Kisame: I don't know...the kids kinda retarded. No offense Itachi.

Itachi: None taken.

Zetsu: Probably if they can get rid of Kiba.

Hidan: Of course!

**Q. 42. Okay, now it's time for "Guess who!" Who says this "Your nothing Special".**

Sasori: I believe that's Temari.

Itachi: The wind girl.

Tobi: Fiesty baby!

Kisame: Kaze No Temari.

Zetsu: (See Kisame)

Hidan: (See Lord Jasshin)

**Q. 43. "Yahoo!"**

Sasori: Kiba Inuzuka.

Itachi: Dog-boy

Tobi: The guy with the super cool dog!

Kisame: (See Sasori)

Zetsu: (See Kisame and Sasori)

Hidan: (See Lord Jasshin)

**Q. 44. "Ano..."**

Sasori: The most timid girl ever Hinata Hyuuga.

Itachi: Beni-hime's student.

Tobi: Hinata-hime!

Kisame: (See Sasori)

Zetsu: (See Tobi)

Hidan: (See-

Everyone: You don't even have to say it.

Hidan: Fine. I won't.

**Q. 45. Okay, we're about to be done! Now it's just pointless questions! How ya feelin'?**

Sasori: Hurry up and lets get this over with!

Itachi: I wanna read "Super Fudge".

Tobi: Can I read with you Itachi-san?

Itachi: Sure whatever.

Kisame: I'm sleepy.

Zetsu: ...gettin' kinda hungry...

Everyone: Okay, hurry up so Zetsu can get something to eat.

Hidan: I'm bored.

**Q. 46. Whats on your mind right now?**

Sasori: Strangling you Deidara.

Itachi: Super Fudge

Tobi: Super Fudge

Kisame: The bed.

Zetsu: ...I'm getting really hungry...

Everyone: ...

Hidan: Um, people, hurry up this accursed survey because I hear Zetsu moving around in his room. But I am indeed thinking of Lord Jasshin!

**Q. 47. What the hell is all that noise?**

Sasori: What noise?

Itachi: I hear a lot of shuffling.

Tobi: I don't know.

Kisame: I hear roaring and crashing noises.

Zetsu: ...

Hidan: OH MY LORD JASSHIN! ZETSU IS GOING CRAZY!

**(Zetsu had logged off)**

Tobi: What's wrong? Why did Zetsu-sensei log off?

Kisame: We gotta do something! He'll eat us all!

**Q. 48. Is that Hidan screaming?**

Sasori: Oh shit...

Itachi: I can't read Super Fudge with all that noise.

Tobi: Why are you guys so worried? Zetsu-sensei would never hurt us.

Kisame: You know nothing of what that crazy ass plant will do.

Hidan: HE'S BANGING ON MY DOOR! HE'S GOING TO EAT ME FIRST!

**Q. 49. Holy Hell! What do we do? We gotta help Hidan!**

Sasori: We're doomed.

Itachi: I just keep hearing shuffling and Hidan screaming like a girl.

Tobi: Oh my Kami!

Kisame: We gotta go stop him and get him something to eat!

Hidan: AHH! SAVE ME!

**(Hidan has logged off)**

**Q. 50. Well that's the end of the survey! Hope you guys had fun! Now enough chat, we gotta save Hidan!**

Sasori: Finally.

**(Sasori has logged off)**

Itachi: Super fudge here I come.

**(Itachi has logged off)**

Tobi: Zetsu-sensei! Stop!

**(Tobi has logged off)**

Kisame: ...

**(Kisame has logged off)**

**(Deidara pushes the power button, shutting off all the computers.)**

* * *

A/N: Alright people! That's the end of the Akatsuki survey! I hope you liked it! Please R and R! Reviews Or Flames! I don't care! But if you flame...just know you'll get a little somethin' somethin' in return.

Now it's time for me to work on putting up my new chapters to my other stories. Gotta go!

"The Daisy Of Springtime Beauty"

Hinagiku Harumi


End file.
